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Featured
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Candid
Candace
by Candace Cameron Bure |
Q: With
great interest I've been following your
website and reading your advice column here.
As a young woman of the same age as you,
and with a similar background in acting
and upbringing, I've felt best able to relate
to your story of seeking out a more truly
Christian lifestyle and searching for greater
meaning and discipline to my life.
I was just about ready to "make the
leap" and seek out some of the resources
you'd recommended, when I read something
that made me doubt my ability to blend a
Christian life with the convictions of equality
I've been raised to believe in. Convictions
that now, as an elementary school teacher,
I try to pass on and stress to my students
each and every day as I attempt to help
them build their confidence and sense of
self.
You gave advice to a woman who was trying
to come to an agreement with her husband
about homeschooling. You wrote that in the
end, the husband is the leader of the family
and should make the final decision.
I was raised to believe that men and women
are equals and should act as partners when
married. I also believe this demonstrates
to children that women shouldn't be submissive
and that their opinions are as worthy as
that of males. I know that to suddenly change
my way of thinking that my partner's opinions
should be the final ones regardless of compromise
would leave me feeling disrespected and
unsatisfied, and I would hope through compromise
my partner would never feel this way in
return, either.
If it is true that it is suggested that
men dominate the "power" role
in the modern family, I'm not sure if my
yearning to walk a similar path to your's
is right for me after all, and I feel more
confused than ever. I have put acting behind
me and am enjoying my career as a teacher,
and look forward to marriage. Will it be
possible for me to dedicate my life to Christ
if I don't feel "right" putting
my partner on an uneven plane as myself?
Thanks if you are able to help me sort this
out.
______________________________________
A: Many
women in today's culture struggle with this
very thought and subject, so you're not
alone. It is our society that's got it messed
up and has confused us all. Just because
you were raised a certain way and brought
up to believe certain things, it doesn't
mean they are right. Let's look at the Bible
for answers.
Marriage is an equal partnership
in that BOTH roles, husband and wife, are
equally important. But, they are not designed
to be the SAME role. The Bible says, "For
the man is not of the woman: but the woman
of the man. Neither was the man created
for the woman: but the woman for the man"
(1Corinthians 11:8-9). In Genesis, God created
Adam and said, "It is not good that
the man should be alone; I will make a him
an help meet for him". (Gen. 2:18)
See, we were CREATED to be a helper to our
husbands.
"Submissive" is
not a four letter word. Today's culture
would have us believe it is. That is straight
from the mouth of the enemy. Being submissive
to my husband in no way makes me feel disrespected
or unsatisfied. I haven't turned into a
door mat that gets walked all over. Just
the opposite! As a submissive wife, I have
a great responsibility and role in my marriage.
Yes, I'm the second in command but does
that make my role less worthy? No.
Think of it in military
terms. You have a commanding officer and
a soldier. There is a chain of command.
Does that make the soldier's role less important?
Of course it doesn't. If everyone was a
commanding officer, there would be chaos!
Same thing in your household. Having two
heads of authority doesn't work by design.
Once a conflict arises, you will both stand
on your principles until someone compromises,
or worse--not, and the other will feel defeated.
Most likely it will be your husband who'll
do the compromising because it will be easier
to give in than listen to his unhappy wife.
This cycle will continue on in your marriage,
only to have your husband feel he's incapable
of making good decisions for your family,
that you don't respect him, and ultimately
find himself looking for a woman who will.
I know that sounds harsh, but why do you
think the divorce rate gets higher and higher
every year?
I take joy in serving my
husband. He does not take advantage of me.
I don't become his slave. I help him because
it pleases the Lord, and ultimately, THAT
is who I care about most. When I love, honor,
respect and help build my husband into the
man God wants him to be for our home, he
has so much love for me in return. He WANTS
my opinion, he trusts me, he takes my advice
and asks what I think on just about every
subject. This trust has been given because
of my attitude when it comes to his decision
making. We talk, we share, he knows what's
important to me. He ALWAYS takes that into
consideration. I'll tell you, most of the
time, my husband will yield to my direction
on the subject because he values it so.
But, when he believes a different decision
to be right, I allow him to make that final
decision and not say anything more about
it. I don't let the disappointment show
on my face for the next few days. I don't
whine and complain about not getting my
way. And I CERTAINLY don't rub it in his
face if my way would have been the better
way! I'm right there by his side to help
him make a better decision the next time
around. (Trust me... when things like that
happen, they'll listen to you even more
next time!)
Ultimately, my husband is
responsible for all the decisions made in
our home before God. He'll stand before
God to give an account of our family. That's
a weight lifted from my shoulders and yet
such a hefty responsibility for my husband.
I want to do everything possible to see
us succeed together.
"But I would have you
know, that the head of every man is Christ;
and the head of the woman is the man; and
the head of Christ is God" (1Cor. 11:3)
Do you see the chain of command? Even Christ
is subject to one higher than himself--God!
Why then, should we feel that we deserve
to be equal with everyone else? Are we not
subject to Christ as well? Again, this is
society's view that's got us all confused.
I choose to allow my husband to lead because
I want to do it God's way. I gave up "my
rights" when I gave my life over to
the Lord.
I could write pages and
pages on this subject, but there just isn't
enough time in the day. This answer is not
complicated because scripture is abundantly
clear when it comes to the role of being
a wife. Read Titus 2. If you are seeking
God and His ways.... you can't pick and
choose what makes you feel good or more
comfortable. God is a God of Truth and has
written His ways and ultimate design for
our lives in the Bible. While the subject
seems to be a stumbling block for you in
knowing the God who created you, it's clearly
an attack to prevent another soul from being
saved. Before you give up on a right relationship
with God because of this subject, seek the
scriptures. They are TRUTH. God can open
your eyes spiritually if you'll ask Him.
My recommended reading for
you is: Created to Be His Help Meet by Debbie
Pearl and Lies Women Believe and the Truth
that Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.
May God give you the clarity
you need to know His ways.
__________________________________
Q: I'm
a busty woman, who wants to wear cute clothes
but can't because most of them are really
low cut or really tight. There's a couple
of halter top dresses I want, but I am not
sure what to do as a Christian young woman.
Also, how do you stay strong
in your faith? I love God with all my heart
but won't bring myself to read my Bible
or pay him any attention because I'm "too
tired, sick, not in the mood..." Any
advice on it?
______________________________________
A: I
love fashion! Because shopping is my specialty
(wink wink). I know there are many choices
for all body types that are trendy, classic,
funky, or whatever your style is, that are
still modest. The key to finding those pieces
are to TRY TRY and TRY them on! I know most
of us gravitate towards the styles we've
worn before and feel comfortable in. I think
it's important to go shopping with a trusted
friend who's opinion is honest and has some
sort of fashion sense. Try things on you
wouldn't normally try. You'll be surprised
at how something looks on a hanger and then
on your body. Try new shapes, new colors--and
go a size bigger. (Seriously, the number
on the tag doesn't matter. Only you know
what it is!) Not all tops and dresses out
there are tight, and going up a size may
help if it's form fitting but not meant
to show every detail of your body.
Try new stores! I love department
stores because the selection is usually
big and varies from children, teens, women,
petite and plus sizes. Step out of your
comfort zone and dare to try on new styles.
Don't be bound to stay in the teen department
just because you are one, or vice versa.
You may be surprised at what you'll find!
I also love shopping at
boutique stores because you usually get
personalized attention and they can help
pick out shapes that fit you best. One more
secret of mine--I'm a "Lucky Magazine"
subscriber. This is a practical fashion
and shopping magazine that can give you
more ideas on what may fit your body the
best.
As a Christian, modesty
is very important. It's something I struggle
with at times because everyone's view of
modesty is different. I think a good rule
of thumb is: if you wouldn't feel comfortable
wearing it at church, then don't wear it!
(Let's not go overboard as to include bathing
suits and P.J's) But, I'm sure you understand
what my point is.
The 7th commandment, "You
shall not commit adultery" starts at
lusting. Jesus explains this in Matthew
5:28. It's important as women, that we don't
entice other men other than our husbands
to lust over us. I know that some of this
is out of our control, especially if you
are an attractive woman. But there are things
we can do to minimize any direct attention
to our body parts by not overtly showing
them off. It seems to me that you're on
the right path, as you want to stay modest
and are inquiring about finding appropriate
clothing.
As for halter dresses for
busty women--this can be tricky. I have
seen dresses in a halter style that cover
all cleavage. You just have to search for
it. You can always wear a halter style tank
top underneath that would eliminate any
cleavage showing if it's V cut. A short
jacket or wrap is also a good tool for extra
coverage. Honestly, if you're not sure and
you feel even a bit uncomfortable that it
may be too revealing, then don't wear it.
A REALLY good alternative
(for ANY body shape) is a wrap dress. These
usually cover everything, flatter every
figure and work for every age. It's important
not to wear what's trendy if it's immodest
or doesn't fit your body type just because
it's "in style" at the moment.
Find clothes that suit you. Hope this helps!
As for staying strong in
your faith, you said you love God with all
your heart. Apparently not if you won't
bring yourself to read your Bible or pay
him any attention. So many of us do love
God in our hearts, but don't want Him to
be the Lord of our lives because it's inconvenient.
Please read The Way of the Master. You can
purchase it at www.wayofthemaster.com. If
this book doesn't wake you up, I don't know
what else will. Loving the Lord isn't just
a feeling you have, it's an act of obedience.
You need to get right with God. Don't wait.
If you can't buy The Way of the Master,
then listen to a short sermon based on the
book called "Soundly Saved" at
their website.
About The Author:
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Candace
is best known for her role as DJ Tanner
on ABC's hit sitcom Full House.
Over the years, Candace has been on
a self-imposed hiatus in support of
her husband, NHL hockey star Valeri
Bure and their three beautiful children,
ages 4, 6 & 8. Candace
currently speaks at various churches,
colleges, and outreach events throughout
the year sharing her testimony and
Christian faith. She has a heart for
evangelism and recently traveled on
a missionary trip to Ghana, Africa.
Her long history of charitable work
includes the Starlight Foundation,
Make-A-Wish, Compassion International,
Children's Hunger Fund and Sheridan
House Family Ministries. |
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Featured
Recipe
DARK CHOCOLATE BROWNIES |
In this recipe, we
have replaced butter with baby-food prunes
or applesauce, reduced the amount of sugar,
used egg whites instead of whole eggs (also
eliminating cholesterol!) and reducing the
amount of walnuts.
1 ¾ cup sugar
¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder
½ cup all-purpose flour
½ cup whole-wheat flour
½ teaspoon baking powder
7 egg whites
2 (4 oz.) jars baby-food prunes or 2/3 cup
unsweetened applesauce
¼ cup buttermilk
2 teaspoons vanilla
2/3 cup chopped walnuts
Powdered sugar
Preheat oven to 350°.
Lightly spray a 13” x 9” x 2”
baking pan with non-stick spray. Set the
pan aside. In a large bowl, stir together
the sugar, cocoa, all-purpose flour, whole-wheat
flour and baking powder. Set the flour mixture
aside. In another large bowl, beat the egg
whites until foamy. Slowly stir in the prunes
or applesauce, buttermilk and vanilla. Add
the egg mixture to the flour mixture and
beat with an electric mixer until thoroughly
combined. Fold in the walnuts. Transfer
the batter to the prepared pan. Bake about
30 minutes or until the brownies just begin
to pull away from the sides of the pan (do
not over bake). Cool completely on a wire
rack. Lightly sprinkle with the powdered
sugar, and then cut into bars.
Makes 36 brownies…36
servings
Nutrition Information
Before
Calories 135
Fat (g.) 8
% Calories from fat 51%
Cholesterol (mg.) 38
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After
Calories 80
Fat (g.) 2
% Calories from fat 18%
Cholesterol (mg.) 0
|
Food for thought: Oh,
do I love chocolate! There is nothing better
than a good piece of dark chocolate or a
piece of a chewy, gooey brownie! Yes, chocolate
is my weakness and yes, I am in the fitness
business. So, how do I get my chocolate
and eat it too? With recipes like this that
replace much of the fat and fat calories
with ingredients that DO NOT compromise
taste.
Recipe
Source:
Submitted by: Patti Gale,
Healthy Fitness Solutions (www.healthy-fitness.solutions.com)
Bizymoms
Cookbook by Diana Ennen & Kelly
Poelker
Virtual Word Publishing, Inc.
http://www.virtualwordpublishing.com
diana@virtualwordpublishing.com
Find
additional recipes on the CWAHM
Message Board!
Have
a Recipe you'd like to share?
Please
email your recipe to jill@cwahm.com.
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