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Candid
Candace
by Candace Cameron Bure |
Q: I
have read some of your advice articles at
CWO and was wondering if you could share
some of your insights regarding my situation.
I truly embraced my heart
for the Lord around age 23. I started going
to an evangelical church and was surrounded
by some of the most genuine people I have
ever met. I met my husband there and we
were constantly serving at the church or
spending time in small group or worshipping.
Just before we were married in 2004, we
moved for work and were excited to attend
my husband's former--much larger church.
From the moment I set foot
in that church, my spiritual life and my
fire for the Lord started to decline. My
husband had been in a relationship years
before when he was in OH and still had many
friends who were members of the church.
One couple was very welcoming
to me, and I actually lived with them before
my husband and I were married. The other
people, however, were nothing but cruel,
even though my husband considered them great
friends at the time. Several of them tried
to break up our wedding, which of course
they did not succeed in doing, but they
did succeed in causing a rift between both
my husband and I and myself and the church.
I was only about a year
into the Christian faith, when all of a
sudden people at church--a people that are
supposed to welcome you with open arms--were
trying to stab me in the back. After a rough
first 9 months of marriage, we received
a letter stating that yes, they were indeed
trying to break us up because it was more
convenient for their lives if my husband
was back together with his ex girlfriend,
because they knew her and just wanted things
to be the way they were before.
I am pregnant with our frist
child to be born this summer. I want more
than anything to raise our child in a Christian
home, knowing the love of God and being
able to see that love shared between us
and others. I know that it will take a lot
of hard work to get back to a place of trust
with the Lord and other Christians, but
I do not know where to start.
I try to read my Bible and
cannot seem to focus on it. I used to lead
worship, but cannot bring myself to pick
up my guitar. I used to love to hear teachings
by my husband in small group, but find myself
cutting him off whenever he goes on a "religious
tirade" now. I was just wondering if you
had any advice on HOW to forgive these people.
I know that my heart will always be guarded
and closed until I forgive them, but I see
their actions as purposely evil and knowing
that they are not the least bit sorry for
the pain and hurt they caused me makes it
very difficult to even think about forgiving
them and moving on with my life.
Thank you very much for
your time in reading this. I don't expect
you to have all of the answers, but any
new insights into how to regain my fire
for the Lord would be greatly appreciated.
I feel like I have exhausted every avenue
I can think of and do not want the rest
of my marriage or my child's life to be
without God as the center.
______________________________________
A: Thank
you for writing to me and being so honest
in your email.
It sounds like you were
in a very difficult situation and yet I
can see God's hand in bringing you back
to MD to start new. Deep wounds are hard
to heal; nevertheless, "with God all
things are possible!" (Matt. 19:26)
In the past when I thought
about people who hurt me, I wanted to cling
to my hatred and anger towards them. My
flesh wanted them to feel the same pain
they caused me. In my heart I knew God wanted
me to forgive them. I knew it was the "right"
thing to do, but why didn't it make me feel
better? My forgiveness would have only been
out of obligation and not from my heart.
It wasn't until I had a
strong relationship with the Lord that I
saw clearly. I now understand why forgiveness
does make me feel better and why I don't
want to hold on to my bitterness. You won't
be able to forgive until you are seeking
God. Only through your relationship with
the Lord, will you find true healing.
I think about what God did
for me on the cross: His sacrifice for me
and the forgiveness He has extended to me.
And when I look at the depths of God's forgiveness,
it humbles my heart to tears. I don't deserve
His forgiveness. I've failed over and over
again in trying to measure up to His standard
of the 10 commandments. I have treated my
ratty old t-shirt better than God at times.
How offensive is that?
Yet, God has mercy on my
soul, He loves me no matter what, He promises
me eternal life with Him--all of these things
that I don't deserve! Since I gave my life
to Him, He's wiped my slate clean. His forgiveness
and renewal is endless. God is so gracious.
If God can have that much forgiveness and
mercy on me, then why shouldn't I extend
the same forgiveness towards others? Am
I better than God? NO! Of course not!
Also, it seems to me that
you feel God is to blame in some part of
this. That He forsook you. He didn't. It's
sad when "Christian" people give
true believers a bad name. I used to be
one of them. I called myself a Christian
for years even though I was living in sin.
And there are many people out there that
simply label themselves Christian because
they attend church but are not producing
the fruit that true Christians are known
to produce. God doesn't want to see your
marriage crumble. He's not working against
you. Don't believe the lies of the enemy
that would have you think otherwise.
I strongly encourage you
to start going to church again. You aren't
going to move ahead if you don't give this
over to the Lord, ask Him to forgive you
of the anger you hold towards those people,
and allow God to deal with their consequences.
Also, I'd hope you won't hang it over your
husband's head that you were right and he
was wrong about them. Your husband knows,
and you should move on, not allowing any
deep seeded bitterness to sprout up from
time to time when things are tense. I have
a favorite book that helped me see the kind
of wife God wants me to be called Created
to Be His Help Meet by Debbie Pearl.
This would be a wonderful new start for
you. It is so important that you and your
husband build your marriage on the right
foundation--God's Word. Start with prayer.
Also, please listen to "soundly
saved" at www.wayofthemaster.com
or buy The Way of The Master book
by Ray Comfort. This book, like the Bible
is sure to ignite the flame for God.
Blessings to you on your
journey.
__________________________________
Q:
I really enjoy reading your advice column.
What a wonderful resource. Thank you for
being the God-centered, Christ-loving woman
that you are!
I too, am a mother of 3
young children. Between Bible study, homeschooling
and caring for my home and husband, I struggle
to find the time to exercise and eat properly.
I wondered what your secret was to being
so slim and healthy?
______________________________________
A: My
secret to staying slim and healthy is (drum
roll please!)...eating well and staying
active.
OK, I know that was a pretty
simple answer, but it's the truth. Over
years of being on a weight roller coaster,
I finally got to the point where I wanted
to stay fit and feel good ALL the time.
I always feel healthier and prettier when
my weight is lower, and of course my clothes
fit better. I had to change my eating habits
and lifestyle once and for all. Luckily,
my husband was 100% on board and was probably
the biggest encourager to our family in
this area. So, eating habits changed not
only for me, but for my children and my
husband.
As I've said here before,
consult your doctor before choosing any
diet or fitness routine, then consider what's
best. For me, the key has been eating fresh,
healthy foods and not over eating.
I'd prefer to eat more of the yummy foods
I enjoy in smaller quantities, rather than
eating large portions of ONLY healthy foods
that I don't really enjoy. For me, eating
is about the taste and not the quantity.
A lot of woman I know are just the opposite,
where quantity is important, rather than
quality. You have to figure out what is
important to you and get into a new way
of eating from there.
Include your whole family.
If you just try to diet on your own, it's
not going to last for very long. If you
change your whole family's eating habits
and fitness/sport routine, you'll have a
better chance at sticking to it.
I take pilates about 3 times
a week as well as play tennis, and I walk
about 1 1/2 miles every day (around my neighborhood).
The kids either walk with me or ride their
bikes. This turns into family time not only
to share and laugh, but also exercise. (When
the kids whine about walking the circle...
telling them "no desert" usually
quiets them up pretty fast.) And FYI...
desert is usually fresh fruit. They have
ice cream or something sugary sweet once
or twice a week. (And we keep that to a
small portion). Trust me, this makes the
once a month trip to Cold Stones--for whatever
they want--all the better!
Ultimately, I had to give
my "food issues" over to God.
There are bad habits I'm prone to repeating,
but they never make me feel good for long.
That's when I ask myself, "Is food
or God more important to me?" This
usually stops my bad habits as well.
I hope this helps and encourages
you.
About
The Author:
| 
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Candace
is best known for her role as DJ Tanner
on ABC's hit sitcom Full House.
Over the years, Candace has been on
a self-imposed hiatus in support of
her husband, NHL hockey star Valeri
Bure and their three beautiful children,
ages 4, 6 & 8. Candace
currently speaks at various churches,
colleges, and outreach events throughout
the year sharing her testimony and
Christian faith. She has a heart for
evangelism and recently traveled on
a missionary trip to Ghana, Africa.
Her long history of charitable work
includes the Starlight Foundation,
Make-A-Wish, Compassion International,
Children's Hunger Fund and Sheridan
House Family Ministries. |
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