I'm 18 years old, and had
been dating this guy for 9 months. I truly
believed he was the one I was going to spend
the rest of my life with. We started off
with the best intentions, but slowly lost
sight of what really mattered, which is
God and His will for our lives. I had always
planned to wait until marriage; it wasn’t
even an option for me not to wait, but after
being with my boyfriend for a while we ended
up taking to the next level.
The day after Thanksgiving,
we decided to take a break. Everything seemed
okay before I left his house that last time,
and we even prayed together, but ever since
that day, he hasn't talked to me. I tried
calling him, and he never answered or replied,
so I wrote him a letter pouring out my heart
to him and telling him to pray, pray, pray.
I don't understand what's going on; the
only thing I do know is that I have to trust
the Lord.
I'm just asking for any advice, encouragement
and, or prayer. Thanks so much!
______________________________________
My
heart hurts along with you. A broken heart
is a terrible feeling.
Unfortunately, your story
is not all that uncommon. It's crazy to
think someone you are in love with and thought
about marrying, won't even talk to you or
write to you after you've shared the biggest
gift in your life with him--your whole self.
And yet, I think that's part of the reason
for the breakup. But before you start blaming
yourself, or think I'm blaming you, hold
on--I'm not. I just want to try to explain
how a guy's mind works (not that I'm an
expert).
Most guys aren't as emotional
when it comes to sex. Where girls equate
sex to love, men equate sex to relief. Of
course I'm simply generalizing the sex drives
of an 18 year-old boy and girl, but hear
me out. So now he's had you. The surprise
is over; the gift unwrapped. There's no
more waiting to find out what's inside.
The mystery is gone.
It's a horrible thought--something
we've all had friends go through or we've
experienced ourselves. It's not uncommon.
Your boyfriend may never have been ready
for marriage. He may have known it but stayed
in the relationship, because there was still
something unknown in it. But once the "mystery"
was gone, once he had everything, it probably
confirmed his desires to do something he'd
already thought about before--date other
girls. Guys (and girls) will say a lot of
dumb things to get what they want in the
heat of hormones. But let me comfort you
by saying, it's not because you aren't a
great girl, not because you did something
wrong to him, but because the one thing
that was probably keeping him there--wanting
all of you--was now gone.
We've all made dumb choices,
and this choice of giving yourself to him,
resulted in consequences. Those consequences
are: him moving on, and you having made
a decision that you now regret. It stinks.
It doesn't seem fair. Sex and marriage is
something God designed perfectly, but often
we don't realize it until we've blown it.
So, here's my advice to
you. Don't keep writing him or calling him.
Let him go. Let him figure his stuff out
on his own. Continuing to reach out, even
by telling him you're praying for him, will
likely turn him off even more. I know it
will be hard, but if God wants the two of
you to be together, He can bring you back
in His time.
When I was 17, I thought
I was going to marry a certain someone.
I was convinced of it. With all my heart,
I just knew he was the one for me and would
have placed a bet on it that we'd marry.
And you what happened? We didn't! God had
other plans for me.
A great reading recommendation
is For Young Women Only or For
Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn and
Lisa Rice. It will give you a lot of insight
into the minds of guys.
With all of your heart,
mind and soul, seek a relationship with
God. Stop worrying about your boyfriend,
and start finding your worth in God. Let
Him be the one and only for you!
______________________________________
What
about exercise? I am only 5’2”,
so I know in order to lose weight I need
to get off the sofa and on to my elliptical
machine. Give it up--what are your secrets?
Seriously, after three children, how on
earth is your stomach so tight? Do you have
an iron clad exercise regimen?
I am blessed to be a stay-at-home mother
of three, but there are times when I feel
very overwhelmed! I am always so busy, between
ballet classes and soccer that I never take
the time that I need, physically and spiritually.
I realize that I need to take care of myself
in order to take care of everyone else,
but this is easier said than done when you’re
in the “mommy trenches!”
As a mother of three, how
do you take time for yourself?
______________________________________
I'll give it up! I play tennis and take
Pilates three days a week. Pilates has changed
my body in amazing ways. (Thus the tight
stomach!) I walk a lot with my children
or we go for a bike ride around the neighborhood.
I'm out and about every day so I don't need
to do a machine at the gym. But, if the
weather doesn't permit or sports aren't
your thing, you should check into joining
a gym and even getting a personal trainer
a few days a week. This really helps with
the commitment aspect. If that's not affordable
for you, DVD workouts are great! I used
to do them all the time when I lived in
snowy weather. It was also great when my
kids were infants and I didn't want to take
them to the gym.
So, just like you, I'm 5'2"
and have 3 kids. If I can do it--you can
too! You need to make changes to your daily
routine and make exercise a priority. The
more you can include your kids the easier
it will be. You'll be teaching them healthy
habits that will benefit all of you.
You asked how I do it all
and take time for myself? Well, all of my
kids are in school now, so I have my mornings
free. This gives me the time to work out,
answer emails ;) and do my chores etc. It's
all about prioritizing. I feel better when
I exercise, so if I start my day off that
way, I end up having more energy to get
the other things done without being so tired.
Oh, one more thing--we limit
the extra paid activities our kids do like
sports and ballet. We take that time to
do those things WITH our kids. For example,
instead of putting them in tennis camps,
my husband coaches them and I'll go out
and hit with them. So consider not signing
up for soccer one quarter and use that time
to ride bikes with the kids and kick the
soccer ball with the whole family each Saturday
morning. You'll all have fun, you'll all
be exercising and most importantly, you'll
be able to use those opportunities to teach
them Christian character.
About The Author:
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Candace is best
known for her role as DJ Tanner on ABC's
hit sitcom Full House. Over
the years, Candace has been on a self-imposed
hiatus in support of her husband, NHL
hockey star Valeri Bure and their three
beautiful children, ages 4, 6 &
8. Candace
currently speaks at various churches,
colleges, and outreach events throughout
the year sharing her testimony and
Christian faith. She has a heart for
evangelism and recently traveled on
a missionary trip to Ghana, Africa.
Her long history of charitable work
includes the Starlight Foundation,
Make-A-Wish, Compassion International,
Children's Hunger Fund and Sheridan
House Family Ministries.
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